SIX MONTH CHECK UP AND ALL IS GOOD!

Well, I didn't get back to my blog as quickly as I had planned.  It turned out to be a very busy week.  It started out with going for my six month check-up on Monday with my surgeon (Dr. Zusan), who did the double masectomy.  She will check me for 3 years- every six months- to feel for any lumps or evidence of any return of the cancer.  This was my first six month check-up and all is well!  Yay!!!  If all goes well for the first 3 years, then she will check me once a year.  She said the first 3 years are seen as the most likely for a reoccurence.  That, however, does not erase the fact that cancer can return at any time....even 10 years down the road.  And even if it returns somewhere else in your body....bones, liver, brain, or lungs....they can tell if it is the breast cancer cells and it would be considered a breast cancer metastasis.
 

No doctor has actually told me I'm cancer free or in remission.  I guess I could have asked, but I just assume I am, since she said she got it all at the time of surgery.  I am what is called NED...no evidence of disease.  But neither of my doctors (surgeon or chemo dr.) have actually declared that I'm cancer free.  At this point, I just assume I am!
Now, I am not sure from what date they begin counting how many years you are a survivor.  I even asked her and am not sure I got the answer.  She just said she would see me every six months for 3 years.  So, in talking with others and researching I have found that some count from their diagnosis...some count from their surgery...and some count from the end of their treatments.  So, if I count from my diagnosis date, then my date would be April 7.  And when you think of it, I still was surviving cancer from that date on...even through all of the treatments and surgeries.  So, I have decided to choose April 7 as my Cancerversary.  Yay....getting close to a year of survival!  My sister is two years!  Awesome!!!

Dr. Zusan advised me to massage my implants.  I have "heard" of that and tried to research it on the internet and discussed it with other survivors who also have implants.  It's frustrating because my plastic surgeon has not once told me to massage them!  I will be asking him about that when I go see him next week.  It's been a month since I've seen him and while my implants have dropped some, I am still not satisfied.  I am still extremely tight....not as soft as I thought I'd be.  And there are some areas that don't look all that good.  For one thing one is still higher and larger than the other.  I will be discussing this with him.  Plus, the fact that I lost one nipple...I don't know whether to have another surgery to fix that or just let it go.  A part of me wants to fix it....another part of me wants to forget it and go with one nipple.  Who is going to see it anyway?

I think maybe I expected too much.  I do know he told me from the get-go that they would not be perfect...they were fake...and would not be like my natural ones.  But then they show you photos of some really "nice jobs" and I don't look anything like those pictures!  Maybe I'm just not used to breasts that don't droop...lol!  Maybe once the areolas are tattooed they will look more natural. 

I did a search online to see "other pictures" and found a bunch that I looked through and realized that I actually looked BETTER than a lot of them!  So, now I'm thinking I'm being "too picky" maybe.  Hey, those things cost my insurance company a lot of money...I want them to get their money's worth...lol!  I look great in my clothes.  I like being smaller than I was.  Who is going to SEE them anyway?  So, I could live with these just as they are.  I just want to make sure there is no more he can do to make them look better.  I think I've come to the conclusion that they only show the BEST "jobs" on your first appointment.  lol!  If this is the way they end up, I'm still satisfied.  I don't regret having the reconstruction.  When I was trying to make the decision, I thought I'd be fine without the reconstruction.  But, after looking at some of these pictures, I definately feel better about getting the reconstruction.  If you are interested in seeing the pictures I've been looking at, you can find pages and pages of them here....(warning: nudity...I'll show other people nude, just not me...lol!)  http://www.smartplasticsurgery.com/reconstruction/photos.html

I think I am just finding it hard to get used to my "new foobs".  They seem so foreign to me and I think part of that is because they are so tight.  My surgeon said they are too tight and that's why she said I need to massage them.  She says they need to move around.  I'm actually finding that the massaging is helping.  It also may help move them where they need to be in the "pocket", so that I don't have such a indented gully under my arm.  I have some dimples that he may choose to fill in with fat grafting.  I will know more next week after going to him again.  They did say it can take 5 months to drop where they are suppose to be and it's only been a little over 2 months, so I guess I need to learn patience.   I think once they loosen up, they may not feel so foreign to me.  Right now I can feel like I've got a bra on even when I don't, so it's a constant reminder that they are "fake".   I look forward to the day when I don't even "think" about them!  Like I said, I like them smaller and I look good in my clothes and the important part is that the cancer is gone!  So, I need to stay focused on that and stop being so vain..lol!  I really am NOT a vain person.  I think it's just hard not to worry about how you look when you have actually had a part of your body removed.  Some people have compared it to having a "boob job...an enhancement".   But, it is NOT the same!  My breasts were NOT enhanced!  They were removed!  NOT the same thing!  To be honest, I would have never gone to a plastic surgeon....never considered it in my life!  I did not do this to enhance my body.  I did it to save my life without the constant reminder of cancer when I looked in the mirror! 

I'm sure I'll get used to them and learn to think of them as "my own".  And I hope one day I'll be able to have a day without cancer even entering my mind.  But, I'll be honest....there is not one day that goes by that I don't think of cancer.  It just becomes a part of your life, even after the treatments are done and even if you have a good prognosis.  There are never any guarantees that it won't come back.  I am constantly reminded of this when I meet someone or hear about someone fighting it "again".  I've even known people who have beat it for 10 years or more and then it returns to another part of their body.  So, I know the possiblity is always there.  Even after treatments and surgeries are over, the cancer is still in your mind.  There are still the constant doctor check-ups with the surgeon and  oncologist to check for re-occurence.  There are still constant blood draws to check for re-occurence.  It is still a part of your life.  And I am one of the fortunate ones who caught it early and did not have it metastasize.  Metastasis, or metastatic disease (sometimes abbreviated mets), is the spread of a disease from one organ or part to another non-adjacent organ or part).  But, I still have to wonder....is this what I'll die from....whether it is 20 years or more....is this how I'll die?

I'm not trying to be negative or morbid...just "real".  In talking with other cancer survivors, I have realized we all have these thoughts and once you have cancer, it becomes a part of your life.  I still hate the fact that I had cancer in my body at all!  I hate that I have friends who are fighting it and some who are really struggling.  I'm 59 years old, married, a grandma.....I have most of my life behind me.  But, my heart goes out to the younger women I have met who have been diagnosed with this disease.  It seems so unfair that they have to worry about a disease that can alter their bodies and take their life early.  But, we have to stay positive.  We have to treasure every day that we are cancer-free!  We have to hold onto hope that one day there will be a cure!  I do know...if it comes back again...I'll fight hard again!!!! 

In the midst of all of this, I have good news!  My friend, Linda, went for her mammogram the same day I went for my check-up...same doctor....so we went up together and of course followed up with lunch!  She got a phone call the next day that they saw something "suspicious" and wanted her to come back for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  So, we went back up on Thursday and after another mammogram, they determined it was nothing to worry about and she didn't even have to have the ultrasound done.  Yay....good news!!!  And I'm so proud of Linda for getting her annual mammogram!  Early detection can save your life! 

We also met my "cancer sisters" for lunch on Thursday...(Carin and Amy).  We met at a restaurant that was new to me and Linda...Stir Crazy....an Asian restaurant.  It was a fun and cool restaurant and the food was good.  We got a "make your own" Stir Fry.  They give you a wrought iron holder with two bowls sitting in it and you go up to a bar and choose what vegetables you want in your stir fry. Then you choose what sauce you want and then take it over to the cook.

Then you wait there at the counter while you watch him cook your food, complete with flames that will singe your hair if you lean in too far!  It doesn't take much to entertain me.  lol!

Like I said...it was fun and a new adventure for me and Linda!  We told Carin and Amy that we were discovering all kinds of new eating places hanging with them!  :=)  We had a great time eating and learning more about each other and sharing secrets!  :=)

I will see Carin and Amy again this week because it is time for our monthly Support Group dinner this Thursday.  This is only my second time to go and I'm looking forward to going again and getting to know everyone a little better.  I think there were 15 of us there the last time.  I'm so glad Carin and Amy invited me to go!  It gives me a place to be with others who are going through the same experiences and understand any of those feelings we may have and you find out that you're pretty normal with your thoughts.  I'm not fearful, but even though others see my cancer journey as "over", cancer still remains a part of my life.  So, this group understands that and we are all there for each other to listen and lend support, no matter what stage we are at.  Not that my family and friends aren't there for me....but someone who has walked this walk can understand exactly what you are experiencing.

I postponed my MRI on my spine and my Bone Density Test last week so that I could go to Linda's second mammogram with her.  She has been with me through my whole journey and I want to be there for her any time she needs me too.  Even though many call-backs on mammograms turn out to be "nothing", it is still nerve-racking to go through it and have the "what if" thoughts.  My tests weren't of an urgent nature, so I postponed them for this Friday.  No big deal!

I thought I'd show you my hair!  This is how much I have since my chemo ended last June 22....let's see, that's a little over 7 months of growth! 

Front view....

Side View (I'm not fond of my profile...lol...but, it's me!)

Top View

Back view...look, I got those chemo curls/waves!!!!!  I wish I could keep them, but my hair is normally totally STRAIGHT, so I'm sure once I begin cutting it, they will dissappear!  :=(  I'm thinking of keeping my hair short.  As a matter of fact, I'm thinking I need to get it trimmed already!  And I haven't decided whether to color it or not yet.  Decisions, decisions...lol!

And I got another manicure and decided to try the French Tips this time.  I'm all new to this manicure stuff...lol....this is only the second one I've had.  I never had nails long enough before because I bit them my whole life, clear down to the skin!  I no longer bite them (so proud of myself for kicking that habit!).  My nails grew so long and so hard while I was on chemo!  Then a few months after my chemo ended they became a mess.  They became really soft that they would literally just tear...they weren't even strong enough to say they broke.  They haven't grown nearly as long as they did on chemo, but definately long enough for a manicure.  Actually, this is a good length...I can still type with them at this length!  :=)

Lookie, lookie Linda!  I'm still not biting them!  :=)

Monday night was Mine and Larry's 40th wedding anniversary!  Forty years married to the same man (or woman)...can you imagine!  :=)  I told him he has already taken my youth, so he's stuck with me...lol!  He had told me to be home from Greenwood that day in time for him to take me out to eat.  I eat a lot, don't I?  :=)  So, he got home and cleaned up and we headed out to a local restaurant.  I had no idea where we were going, but as soon as he turned on one road I knew it was either Ryan's or Cracker Barrel.  It was Cracker Barrel.  Not particular a romantic place, but hey, we both like it!  As soon as we entered the front door I saw our grandchild, Jenna, standing there and then realized that he had invited our kids and grandkids there too.  I loved that, as it's hard to get everyone together like that and he pulled it off and surprised me!

Aren't we cute?  LOL!

We had a nice time with the whole family there!  Jen's in-laws even joined us...that was nice!  Then at one point the waitress came up behind me and had a surprise from me from Larry!

Yeah, he can be a sweetie sometimes!  :=)  I guess I'll keep him...lol!

Last time I posted, I had shared photos from my trip to Lexington, KY, and promised to share pictures from my trip to Nashville, TN.  So here they are!

We stayed at the Gaylord.  This place is fantastic!  This is not outside...this is inside the Hotel!  It's just beautiful there!

This is what we did during the day.  Remember, we were there for training for our Thirty-One business!  We are on a great team with a great leader, Lynn!

Me and Lynn!  The first time Lynn met me, I was bald and had not had my surgery yet...it was a week before my surgery!  I was happy to show her I had survived it and had hair again!  :=)

This was me and Lynn back in July!  Wow, what a difference, huh?

A group picture of the team members who were there.  This is a great bunch of women and it was fun to be with them again and get to know them a little better.  Many of them are Directors and I came home motivated to work really hard to become a Director myself!  I was on track to be a Director right before I got sick and then I just wasn't able to do my business.  But I kept it "alive" and now I'm ready to work really hard to get it back where it was and promote!  I have made a goal to become Director before our Conference in August!

We went here for an appetizer late our first night there.  I just had to take a picture for my brother, who is a BIG Jack Daniel collector!  There were restaurants and shops all over inside of the Hotel!  This hotel is massive....like a town under one roof!

Me and Ami....make note of our glasses that our water came in at the Jack Daniels restaurant....

Me on a boat ride.  There is actually a 15 minute boat ride you can take inside the hotel and it was interesting, as they told the history of building the hotel and pointed out the different trees, etc.

Ok, here I am getting into their awesome hot tub!  It was actually outside and oh so steamy!  This is a new swimsuit I picked up....only found one store that had them out already and they only had 3 or 4 to select from.  It definately shows how much weight I lost.  Not bragging....just happy about it!  I guess I can get used to this new body...lol!

This was the most bubbly and steamy hot tub I've ever been in!  It was awesome and felt so good!

Ami in the hot tub....look at those bubbles!

Enjoying a strawberry margarita our last night there... at a Mexican Restaurant.  Hey, we didn't have to drive home...lol...just had to find the elevator!  :=)   I rarely, next to never, drink, but ocassionally will have strawberry margarita or a Pina Colada.  I'm such a party animal!  LOL!

The greenery and flowers are just beautiful!  Palm trees, Magnolia trees, Banana Trees, and this tree that has a flower that actually looks like a bird!  Our bellhop took these pictures for me while Amy was going after the car.

Me and my bellhop photographer.  Oswald came to America from Haiti a few years ago.  I asked him what brought him here and he said his wife.  lol!  I'm always curious what brings people to America and it seems "love" brought him all the way to Tennessee!  He said he had no idea where he was going until he got there!  I love meeting people and talking with them.  He was a sweetheart to take some pics for me while we waited on Amy to get the car so we could head home!

On the road again.....heading home!  After a week away from home, I was ready.  I had a great time, but was totally exhausted!  It took me 3 days to rest up...lol!

Until next time....live your life to the fullest....make each day count....let your loved ones know how much you love them...life is too short to waste!  And, get your mammograms!!!!

Cindy

DROP AND FLUFF!

Well, there's a new idea for ya....drop and fluff!  Who would have guessed that my breasts will still need to "drop and fluff".  lol! 

Now, my Plastic Surgeon hasn't mentioned anything to me about "drop and fluff", but I had heard it mentioned by other women who had reconstruction done.  I don't totally understand it, so I've been visiting my friend "google" tonight...lol!  I've been looking at nudie pictures of women who had this done and so many of them look like big round balls...not natural looking to me.  Maybe I just forget what mine looked like before they went south.  I could find before and after pics, but could not find some from the day of the "exchange surgery" to the "big drop and fluff"!  I guess I'll be taking my own pictures to help someone else out in the future!  I'm a visual kinda gal!

I have to admit, I'm not totally pleased with my new ta-tas yet.  I don't feel horrible about them, but one seems to be larger than the other (and higher).  I think part of that problem is swelling where the port was....that is right above the implant.  So, hopefully as the swelling goes down it will take care of itself.  And there's too much loose skin.  And they actually aren't as soft as I expected.  Now, that being said, I'm trying not to spaz out about it and they are definately better than those old hard expanders.  But, I do still feel quite a bit of tightness.

As I've been reading tonight, I am feeling better about them.  I think I'm understanding the "drop and fluff" better now.  From what I'm reading, the muscle that the implants are placed behind will become more relaxed and then the implants will drop down into the "pocket" and have a more natural droop.  Not the kind of droop I had before though...lol!  Believe me, that's a good thing!  They look fine in my clothes, but not much different than my expanders looked in the nude. 

One site I found explained it in simple terms for me that made sense.  I need things to be put into simple terms for me! 

OK...imagine buying a pillow that is encased in one of those shrink wrapped packages that has all the air sucked out of it so that it is a small package. Imagine what happens if you take a needle and put a small hole in the packaging. Does the pillow all of a sudden pop up to full size immediately? No...it gradually fills up and after a time it fluffs out to the full pillow size it really is. The compression of the packaging held it all in until it was stretched more.
That is what the fluffing is all about.....your implants are compressed like the pillow UNDER your muscle....the muscle has to stretch to allow the implant to FLUFF out....depending on your muscle tightness, etc depends on how long it will take you to fluff and drop. http://messageboards.makemeheal.com/breast-augmentation-implants/read-faq-here-drop-fluff-gel-implant-vid-t35289.html

So, after my research tonight, I am not so worried about it and know that this is natural.  I guess I just have to wait for my ta-tas to take "shape"!  They aren't BAD, but not what I had hoped for.  They also are not as soft as I was expecting, but I think that will come with the "fluff"...lol!  I also think they will be bigger with the dropping and fluffing.  This stuff sure is fascinating to me!

I go back for a follow up appointment with Dr. Jackson this Thursday and boy do I have a lot of questions for him!  :=)  I can't wait to see what he has to say about this "drop and fluff" stuff and the extra skin.  Maybe as it drops and fluffs it fills up that extra skin.  I know he's a real good surgeon who cares about how it will look, so I'm not really worried....just curious about things.  Oh yeah, I've also read about massaging them and even watched a video.  In that video they were moving those suckers from left to right and up and down!  Mine won't even move...lol....I think that muscle is good and tight over them!

Until next time....enjoy your preparations for Christmas but try not to stress.  Simpify things this year if you need to, so you're not overworked and just plain too tired to enjoy the holidays!

Cindy

THE UNVEILING....AND A HAIRCUT!

Today my sister, Sheila, came over and brought me breakfast.  Then after we ate, I did the unveiling....

I was instructed that I could not remove all of this gauze for 24 hours....so, I couldn't actually look at the "masterpieces" until 10:30 this morning.  Sheila was here for the unveiling with me...lol!  She actually saw "them" before me, as I took the surgical bra off and removed the gauze in front of her...but had to go to the bathroom to see myself in the mirror.  Her first words were...."Oh, Cindy, they look good"!  Music to my ears!  :=) 

She was actually talking today about doing it too....so far she had said she probaby wouldn't, but I think she's been watching me and wanted to see them "finished".  I told her she was lucky to be able to follow the progress of someone doing it and see them every step of the way....she's been my nudie photographer.  It has given her the opportunity to see exactly what takes place!  Of course she had to take new pics today!  :=)  But, I can only show you the "clothed" shots.

My hair was a mess.....yay, it's getting long enough to be a mess!  And no make-up.  But, look at those ta-tas!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way....no bra!!!!  Look at them stand right up there....lol!

Now, on my right side, there is some major swelling going on where the port was, so it makes that side look higher and larger.  I think once that swelling goes down, they will look sized better with each other.  Actually there is some overall swelling that needs to go down.  As that happens, I think they will shape up even better! 

And, there is some loose skin in a few places...particularly on my left side.  I kinda have a small "dog ear" there.  He had previously told me he'd take care of it and I think he still will.  I go get my nipples on Dec. 22 and they are made from skin....so I'm thinking he may have left that skin there to use for the nipples.  So, I do think I'll still have some "revisions".  And once the nipples are made and the areolas tattooed on.....they will really come together to look like boobs.  Have you ever seen a boob with no nipple or areola?  Yeah, you need those to make it look more like a real boob...and that will happen! 

So, all in all I am pleased, but do think some revisions will need to be made yet....I think that's pretty typical.  And omigosh, they feel sooooo much better than those hard expanders and have a much better shape.  I have actually "heard" that they will change as the swelling goes down and time goes on.  I go back to him next Thursday, so I'll have a ton of questions.  lol!  I'm glad he never minds my questions....as a matter of fact, he smiles and encourages them.  He's such a sweetie.  I have encouraged Sheila to go with me for my appointment next week and I think she wants to.  She's really giving it some thought to do this herself!  Good for her!

My incisions look good and are not very long.  They don't even hurt.  The only thing that hurts is the area where he removed the port.  That hurt really badly last night....but the pain pills help.  I lost track of time and was a little late with them.  I don't want to do that again! 

Today, I got sick....I didn't see that coming!  Sheila was here and I was sitting up with her.  I had pretty much just laid around after I got home.  Suddenly I got real hot and weak and my stomach got real queasy....I thought I was going to throw up (I didn't).  I crawled up in bed and laid down for a bit....got better.  I was so dissappointed though, as I was suppose to go to a "tea party" with my granddaughter, Abby, but had to miss it.  Then tonight my family went out to eat for Larry's birthday and I had to opt out....I was just feeling too sick to my stomach.  I'm not too worried about it, but I just wasn't expecting it.  I came home feeling great and all energetic!  But, both of the pills he prescribed me have "flushing and nausea" as side affects.  So, I am thinking the medicine has brought this on.  Last night I was itchy....not major....but an itch itch here and an itch itch there...everywhere an itch itch....lol!  I've never been allergic to any medicines, so hope I'm not going to have that problem.  Maybe it was caused by the anesthetic, which I think has left my body now....not so itchy today.

So, that's it guys....I did it!!!!!  I'll be eager for any swelling to go down so I can see the real shape of them and I'll be eager to go to him next week and see what further plans he has for me.  I am so thankful for what they can do nowadays!  I didn't think I cared whether I did this or not, but I can honestly say I'm thankful I went for it!  I think stuffing a prothesis in a bra every day would get "old".  And a bonus.....I wouldn't necessarily have to wear a bra if I have a top that might show the strap!  My sister, Kim, stopped by to check me out (lol) and she even said..."hey, you could wear a halter top again"!  lol, not sure I'll be doing that....but it's nice to know I could if I wanted to.  :=)  For now the gauze is gone, but I have to continue wearing the surgical bra....not sure how long, but I figure at least until I see him next week.  They feel so much more natural instead of feeling like a foreign object inside of me.  Much more comfortable to sleep!  They are now a part of my body!!!  :=)

You guys are the best!  You have walked this road with me and have been such an encouragement and I'll never forgot all of the support I have had.  One day this week I plan to make an entry of what NOT to say to a cancer patient....and what TO SAY!  I have learned through this that people really don't know how to react when they learn someone they know is diagnosed.  Now that I've been through it, I can give you all some insight of the kind of support a cancer patient needs.  Another day.....

Until next time......be thankful for our medical miracles of the day!  I yearn for the day when cancer is cured, but am thankful for the strides that have been made!  We are so fortunate to be living in the days we do!  :=)

Cindy

OOPs, I forgot to tell you about the haircut!  While Sheila was here, she took Larry's razor and trimmed the hair at the back of my neck.  You know how your neck gets all of this fuzzy hair on it and all.  Well, she shaved that off and evened up the back of my hair at my neck.  Looks much better!  My hair seems to be at a stage now where it's really beginning to grow a lot faster.  Sheila even said it had some wave to it where she was shaving it.....interesting...



ALL IS WELL AND MY SKINNY SELF IS BACK HOME! LOL!

I am doing very well after my  surgery!  It went fast and so far I have minimal pain.  I was wheeled into the operating room at 9:44 (I heard them note the time) and my family said they were done with me at 10:30!  Less than an hour!  Then it took me maybe an hour to wake up and once I was awake, I was wide awake and energetic!  But, my fam had run off to a store somewhere, so I couldn't leave until they came back..lol...that was ok.  I left the hospital around 12:30.  I felt so good that I told Jen it was ok for her to stop at a couple of stores....I stayed in the car while she ran in quickly.  No big deal.  I felt so good I had a hard time believing I just had surgery!

I'm glad I chose to wait and do my surgery at Community South Hospital.  The nurses are awesome there!!!!  (Not saying they aren't awesome elsewhere too, but I've just really become attached to them there and wanted to finish up where I began).  First off, I was taken to my room by the absolutely sweetest nurse who told me I was skinny!!!!  lol...seriously!  How could I not fall in love with her right then and there!  She was trying to size me up for a gown and looked at me and said, "Well, you're skinny, but tall....so I'm going to give you this gown that will be too big but will be long"!  Skinny...she used the word skinny to describe me! Music to my ears!  I looked at her and told her I loved her and gave her a big hug!  lol!  Wow, from that moment I knew it was going to be a good day....a very good day!  :=)

Shortly after that, Dr. Jackson popped in to see me and he asked if I'd like for him to remove my port!  YES, YES, YES!  Dr. Venkatesh said I could get it removed and I thought Dr. Zusan had to do it, so that would have meant getting another surgery set up with her.  I was thrilled when Dr. Jackson offered to take it out.....combining it with this surgery while I was already "out"!  Dr. Jackson is an artist....he likes to draw all over you with a marker where he will make his incisions...lol!  He cut right over the same incision that was healed up from the last time...but not nearly as long this time!  He marked where he would make the incision for the port too.  When I got awake, I tried to take a "peek" (lol) and noticed that there was no incision where the port was....only the blue marker.  I thought he forgot to take it out and felt it real quickly....no, it's gone!  He saw me awake when he was walking down the hall later and popped in and asked me if I was glad to get those hard things out!  Oh yeah!  Then he explained that he didn't make an extra incision for the port....he was able to take it out through the incision he had made for the reconstruction.  Yay!  Now, as far as soreness.....that is the ONLY area that has been hurting me since I woke up.  He mentioned to my family that it would be sore where the port came out...and he's right!  Nothing compared to the masectomy though, and he made sure I have some pain pills.  I don't necessarily feel like I need them, but I'm taking them to stay ahead of any pain.  Getting those hard expanders out really is a relief...I feel more "normal"!

Dr. Jackson forgot to snap my gown back up when he was done and

I didn't realize it when I took the picture...lol!

This lovely, young, compassionate nurse got me all ready for my surgery......the leg pump thingies, my IV, blood pressure (which by the way was excellent), temp (it was good), etc.  But, more than that, she prayed with me.  In the course of getting me ready, we were talking and I told her how blessed I had been this past year, even in the "valley" and she shared a story about her grandmother who has alzheimers and we connected on a "spiritual level".  After she got me all ready for the surgery, she asked me if I'd like for her to pray with me and I instantly let her know I'd love that.  She shut the door and said the sweetest, most awesome prayer for me.  I felt such a peace!!!  She was actually the first and only nurse who had ever offered to do that with me and I was so thankful that she felt God move her to do that!   It was so special...she was so special!  I had a total peace as I was wheeled down the hall into that cold operating room!  I was so thankful that God put me in the hands of nurse Janay!

Yes, this was taken at my last surgery when I was bald....but, that is Dr. Parker!

The last words I remember were...."You'll be going to sleep now..."...and I felt my eyes slowly closing!  It's awesome how that anesthetic works!  I also had the same anethesiologist as last time (hmmmm, did I spell that right? probably not...lol)...Dr. Parker.  I told him I got up at 5:30 and was very sleepy...so it shouldn't take me long to go to sleep...lol!  I told him he was a very important man....putting me to sleep...and he reminded me that he was also very important because he was also the one to wake me up...oh yeah, that is VERY IMPORTANT...lol!

I'm doing really well.  Taking my pain pills and anti-biotics (to keep infection away) and just taking it easy for the next week.  But, I must say....THIS surgery was a "piece of cake"!  I have to stay bandaged up for 24 hours, so I haven't gotten a good look at "them" yet and must admit the curiosity is killing me...lol!  I can already tell they are perky though....lol!   I figure I can unbandage myself by 10:30 tomorrow morning and get a good look!  Dr. Jackson said I'd be pleased!  :=)   I can even shower tomorrow...yay!  Now I get to go shopping for a bra!!!!

So, all is good and I thank you for you prayers.  God has been so good to me. 

Until next time.....I wish you all a good day!  And get those mammograms scheduled...lol (yeah, I'm like a boil on the butt...lol).

Cindy

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!

Today I finally get these tissue expanders removed....yay!  Even though I've kinda got "used" to them, I can always still "feel" them.  Not painful, but can be uncomfortable.  You just always "feel" a hard foreign object inside of you!  I've had these things in me since July 26, so I'm so ready for this exchange!!!  They are hard and un-natural looking....one is considerably larger and higher than the other (it even wants to poke up above some tops I wear...lol...so I have to be careful what I wear!).  Dr. Jackson has assured me that he will fix that and make them match and tells me I'll be pleased....and I trust him!  :=)

Today I get them replaced with my permanent, soft, silicone implants...yay!  I must admit...I can't wait to see what they will look like (and I'm not a vain person, but this is such a change to my body).  The reconstruction has been such a long journey......barely over 4 months.....but I don't regret it and am so happy to finally be looking at the "prize" today!  :=)  I came really close to NOT doing this!  I could have had my masectomy back in July and healed and been done....except for follow-up check-ups with my surgeon and oncologist.  And I would have been fine with that.  And I'll admit that there were times I wondered..."oh why, oh why did I do this!"...lol!  But, that was in the earlier days.  It isn't particularly easy, but it does get better.

And now, once again, I'm going under general anethesia and the knife.  I tell them they can do anything they want...as long as they put me to sleep.  lol!  I do not expect this surgery to be anything like the last one.  I expect to be sore, of course, but I do not expect to be "down" like I was with the masectomy.  I expect the healing time to be much shorter.  I have my two cancer sisters (hi Carin and Amy!), who have gone through this ahead of me, telling me that it will be instant relief!  I can't wait!  So, I can honestly say that this is one surgery I'm looking forward to!

It is outpatient surgery, so once I get awake and am ready to come home, I'll be set free!  I've come a long way baby!!!!  I'll be a new woman...lol!

Until next time....prayers are accepted and appreciated!  Thanks!

Cindy



I'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY.....!!!!!

I did it!  I had my last "fill" Thursday and am now just waiting for my surgery date!  As you can see, I look pretty "normal" in my clothes now. 

Dang it, I still need to lose that tummy!  But there's a lot less of me now than when I began this journey!
Arghhhh, no make up or jewelry tonight!  That's a rarity for me anymore!

Now, I'll be honest, they are not proportioned and they are not soft and they are not pretty.......but he assures me that he will fix all of that at surgery time and I trust he will!  My surgery is a month away....December 2.  It just amazes me what they can do nowadays!

This last "fill" really pumped the smaller one up beyond the larger one.  And it is so uncomfortable, even under my arm.  It must really be stretching that muscle!  But, I know it will come to an end soon and I will feel so much better when these are removed in December.  I've been told by one of my "cancer sisters" who has already had the surgery that it is "instant relief"!  I can do this....almost there!!!!

In the beginning I really, really did not want to do this!  But, now, in spite of the pain and discomfort, I can honestly say I'm glad I did.  I think once I'm through all of this, I will feel better about how I look and won't have the disfigurement to constantly remind me of what this cancer did to my body.  It's not that I'm a "vain" person at all, but I think doing this will bring me emotional closure.  Does that make sense?

Another surprise on my porch....

I opened the door today to discover another surprise on my front porch.  

Isn't this beautiful?  Even though there was no note with it, I have a high suspicion who it was from and if you are reading this, thank you.  That was very kind of you.  I know it is handmade, which I love!  It looks like it's made from vases, goblets, glass plates....really pretty.  There is a solar light in the top.

She even painted a pink ribbon at the top.  Too cool!

A SPECIAL NIGHT WITH THE FAMILY!

There's not much "medical" going on with me right now, so I hope you don't mind me just sharing my "life" with you.

 It was Halloween night and we went down to Jen & Joe's house for Trick or Treat night.  I treasure these special times with my family and tonight was no exception.   Because of our location we just don't get any trick or treaters, but Jen and Joe live in a neighborhood that is swarming with them.  So, it's become our tradition to go down to their house and walk around with them and watch our grandchildren trick or treat.  Plus they always make a pot of chili...yum....any night I get out of cooking is a good night!  LOL!   Although I do have to admit I've been cooking more and more in my crock pot and really enjoying it.  But, every woman enjoys a "night off", don't they?

So, we went down and walked around the neighborhood with our little ghosts....Abby and Luke.

Funny thing about these costumes....my daughter, Jen, is real creative and when she asked her children what they wanted to be for Halloween they both wanted to be ghosts.  Jen wasn't satisfied with this overdone costume idea and didn't consider it creative enough for her, so she tried so hard to talk them into something else.  But, she finally gave in when Luke said to her, "But, mommy, I've been practicing, listen.....oooooooh ooooooooh (in his best ghostly voice).  LOL, that melted Jen's heart and she knew at that moment that ghosts they would be!

Before we left to head to Jen's, I whipped up a little Halloween surprise for my 3 grandchildren.  I stamped and wrapped Hershey Nuggets for them.

 Here's my little ghosts with their Nugget Tins.  My older granddaughter is at that age (13) that she's not fond of me taking her picture....but she got one too!  :=)

Jennifer and Joe live in an awesome neighborhood, which is actually part of the area I grew up in.  I walked up to many of these same houses many years ago to trick or treat.

Oh how I loved Halloween as a child.  We didn't have a set night or set hours and our parents didn't walk around with us.  We also didn't have packaged costumes.  I remember going through old clothes in the closet and throwing our costumes together.  And I remember Mom helping us and she really got a kick out of it.  Us siblings would take off and walk all over (the older ones watching out for the younger ones), going to every house and collecting the biggest bag of loot a child could wish for!  There was no porch light rule and it was a simpler time in America, where no one had to be afraid of anything they got to eat!  And when people ran out of candy, they started giving out quarters!  Back then a quarter was a big deal to a kid!  Oh the memories!!!  Walking around this neighborhood tonight reminded me of those simpler times.  I so enjoyed the children in their costumes having so much fun.

Back then people also didn't decorate their yards and homes like they do today.  There would be jack-o-lanterns, but that was pretty much it.   Walking around this neighborhood, it was amazing to me the extent that people got their yards ready for the trick or treaters.  Here's just a sampling of some of the houses that were ready for the trick or treaters, complete with fog and creepy music.  LOL!  As a child, I probably would have been too chicken to walk up to any of them!  But, the people were sitting outside to pass the candy out and the kids didn't seem freaked out a bit.  The scariest thing we had back then was Sammy Terry!

I love it that my grandchildren also get to hand candy out before they head out to trick or treat themselves. 

Another fond memory of my childhood this time of year was "corning".  Did you do this?

This is what our front porch looks like and it makes me smile when I walk outside and see it and it brings back those memories.  It drives my husband crazy and I told him about "corning" as a child and he was shocked to learn we actually went around throwing corn onto people's porches!  It was so much fun....throw that handful of corn and run as fast as you could!  Of course this was a tradition when we became teenagers.....and I remember one old man on the street behind us turning his dog loose on us.  I don't think I have run as fast in my life as I did the night I flew down the alley back to my house with that dog chasing us!   It's funny how some things you just never forget!  After my husband acted so shocked that we did such a thing, he said, "well, we corned cars going by, not houses".  Well, duh, does he think that was better?  They could have caused a wreck....lol!  I guess that was the difference in growing up in town versus the country.  We also went "soaping" (never used paraffin though).  He said he never did that either!  Oh what fun it was!  That's probably the most "mischief" I got into as a teenager. 

I don't think kids "corn" anymore.  So, how did we get all of that corn on our porch?

Do you see him?  They come up to our porch every day to get into my corn stalk decorations.  It drives Larry crazy that they get on the porch, but doesn't bother me a bit....as long as they don't get in the house.  My hubby needs to lighten up...lol!

He saw me there with the camera and it didn't phase him a bit.  I think he just wanted me to go back in the house so he could get his corn...lol!

As our lives change, I look at my past traditions with fond memories...and stay open to begin new traditions.  It was such fun doing Halloween as a child and then taking my own children around...but now our new tradition is to leave our home and go over to their neighborhood to watch our grandchildren enjoy the night.  It's a great time!

As we move forward, we are making plans to begin a new tradition for Thanksgiving.  It is so hard on our grown children to try to arrange and run around to two dinners on the same day, so we often times have them over for Thanksgiving dinner on another day.  It's more relaxed having dinner when someone doesn't have to rush off to another one...less stress for everyone.  With my mom and dad gone now and no more big family get-togethers, we have found just the two of us alone on Thanksgiving before.  I'll be honest....I just can't get into fixing a special Thanksgiving dinner for just the two of us.  One year we even went to Cracker Barrel.  This year we are making plans to enjoy Thanksgiving in Brown County, Indiana.  We are re-discovering the special places so close to home and making new traditions. 

Until next time.....be open to beginning "new traditions" in your own life.  Life changes....especially after your children are grown and out of the house or after you lose your parents......and sometimes we just need to be flexible and change things up a bit.  I call these "chapters in life".  Every new chapter can bring new blessings and new experiences and I'm learning to move forward instead of being "stuck in the past".  The past has great memories that will never fade but the future holds more memories waiting to be made!

Cindy