I FEEL BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS!

It sounds so strange, I know....but I am feeling better than I have for years!!!!  I'm happier....maybe because I feel better!  I have more energy to do the things I've always enjoyed before.  I feel more motivated!  And, I just feel good!  I feel so thankful today!

I think for the past 5 years (at least) I have been battling several health problems...even before the cancer and they totally affected my quality of life.  One biggie was Sleep Apnea!  You just can't imagine how much that can cut down the quality of your life!  You just drag day after day after day and never get any quality sleep.  By the time you are diagnosed you are so sleep deprived and have a huge sleep debt to make up.  I feel like I'm at the point of having most, if not all, of that sleep debt made up...yay!  I'm sleeping better than I have in years, even without the machine/mask.  I'm still waiting on my last sleep study results to see if I still need it.  If I do...I'll certainly wear it!!!  But I prefer the freedom of NOT wearing it!

Another factor was my weight!  I'm happy to say I'm keeping that 50 pounds off...so far!  I weigh myself every morning as a motivator to keep an eye on it.  You just can't imagine the energy you gain just from a weight loss like that!  I feel so much better...not to mention looking better!  And today I'm particularly happy because I am wearing a size 12/14 top and 16 jeans!  Do you know how many years it's been since I had a size 12/14 of anything on???  I'm still pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming...lol!  Hey, you're talking to someone who was a size 20 and sometimes 18/20!  Good thing I'm as tall as I am, as the weight has more room to spread so I don't look like a blimp!  :=)  Still hoping to lose more....maybe when I get back on my treadmill!

And then my thyroid!  A couple of years ago I got very sick with pneumonia....very, very sick.  I had never had pneumonia in my life and had no idea how sick it could make you!  A couple of months later after recuperating from it, my hair began falling out!   I was totally freaked out...why would my hair be falling out??!  This resulted in a visit to the doctor's office where they tested my thyroid and found it to be out of whack!  So, I went on a daily Thyroid pill and it was increased the next year.  It can take some time to get it regulated.  This thyroid problem affects your metabolism, which can result in weight gain.  I'm hoping it is regulated now and will make it easier to keep my weight off.  It also can affect your energy level and bring on depression, among other things.  So, this very well could have also been a factor in the way I've been feeling for years!

Another thing...I'm just finally feeling happy!  I was prone to suffer from depression and it got especially bad when my mother died.  For the first time in my life I asked my doctor for some anti-depressant medicine.  I had fought it for years and years...just don't like the idea of taking medicines.  But, it got so bad after mom passed away that I didn't care whether I lived or died.  

I also feel that God has restored my JOY!!!  I don't believe He brings on sickness, so I don't believe He brought on my cancer.  But, I believe He used my illness in my life to bring me closer to Him and to show me I was loved (I had spent the year before feeling so unloved....long story).  He has shown me that I am worthy of His love and that I am also loved by others.  He has walked me through forgiveness so that my heart doesn't grow bitter.  Not only has He been healing me physically...He also has been healing me Spiritually.  Without sounding all "preachy", let me just say I love Him so much and thank Him for His goodness!

I was just feeling good and thankful today, so I hope you don't mind me sharing that!  I so wish I had felt this good when my mom was living!  I had no idea why I felt so badly, but now I feel like I'm "living" again! 

This Friday, Dec. 1, is my surgery date!  As strange as it may sound, I'm looking forward to it.  Surgery doesn't scare me....I guess because I've done it so many times.  And this particular surgery is one I'm looking forward to because I'll finally be getting my implants and getting closer to the end of my reconstruction!!!!  Soon I will be putting this cancer journey behind me....but the memories of this year will always be with me and I will continue on with my desire to help others who go through this.  I have met so many amazing women this year who have now become a part of my life forever!  I would not have traded this year.....in spite of the cancer, it has been a very good year!   Weird, huh?  It's really hard to explain.  Of course I wish I hadn't ever gotten cancer....but,. in spite of it, God has taken something "bad" and turned it into something "good".  He has blessed me so much this year!

Until next time....I encourage you to take care of your physical needs...have your annual check-ups and your mammograms!  It can make such a difference in the quality of your life! I am amazed how our body is made and how different parts of it works together and can affect so much!  And look out....God will bless you and can turn something "bad" into something "good"!  Trust Him thru any journey you may find yourself on!  He knows our needs...even before we do!

Cindy