But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as Eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Thursday, January 5, 2012


Just imagine a doctor telling you the good news....that her goal in treating you was to give you twenty more years!  Just savor that for a moment and let your mind soak that up.

Yes, in April of 2011, that is exactly what my surgeon, Dr. Zusan, told me....and that was considered to be GOOD NEWS!  She also said at one time her goal was to "cure" me.  Well, considering I was 58 at the time, 20 years would make me 78....so considering the life expectancy of today.....I guess 20 years for me would be "cured".  My father passed away at 79 and my mother passed away at 81.  A year in your life as a youngster seems like such a long time.  But, we all know as you get older, that year flies by so quickly....oh how quickly 20 years will fly by!  

 I have thought about my own mortality....even before getting diagnosed with cancer.  It does not scare me.  It is a part of us from the moment we are born.  The older I get, the more I realize that I've got a whole lot of life to still fit in yet!  I know when my life here on earth is over, I will be present with my Lord, Jesus Christ, so I do not fear death.  It's a reality of life.  What I do fear is the road to death....the pain and suffering that may occur before the peace of death.....but I trust God to walk through anything with me. 

 Heck, my Grandma Ruddick lived to be 100, passing away just short of her 101st birthday!  So, I may even beat that "goal" of 20 years!  :=)  God will decide when my life here is over, so I'm not freaked out about any "goals" to keep me alive for another 20 years.  I love my doctor and appreciate her "goal"....but it's only a prediction of her's and it is a good prognosis for someone my age with breast cancer, but only God knows.   Shoot, I may go out and get hit by a bus tomorrow!  lol! (sure hope not!)
According to scripture, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14"

  Now, this is not meant to be a morbid post...it is quite the opposite!  Looking at my own mortality....has made me think of my LIFE! I ask myself....if I truly have 20 years left...or even 5 of 10, or 40....what do I want to leave behind when I am gone.  What do I want my life to count for?  It's been good to reflect on and to make changes in my life.

 I want to LIVE TODAY!  I want to enjoy life!  I want to get rid of man-made restrictions on my life that have held me back from really enjoying life the way I should!
I want to make a difference in other peoples' lives while on this earth.  I want to be a person who will listen, pray and uplift others when they need someone.
  I want to be positive and fun!  Everyone, including me, will have their "moments" or trigger points that make them blue...I'm not immune from that.  But, I don't want to "live there"....I want to rise above that and make the best of this life God has given me!  I've asked myself...why do I get to survive breast cancer when others don't?  I don't have the answer, but I know I can let God use my life to be here for others.  I am choosing to be a vessel for God.

 I want to watch my children and grandchildren grow.  I want to live to see my grandchildren graduate high school, college, get married, and even have me some grandbabies!  :=)  

At the end of my life, I want to hear God say, "Well done, good and faithful servant....".  I want to know I made a "difference" while I am here on earth.  I want to be in fellowship with God every day and everywhere I go, so that I am "tuned in" when He shows me  someone in need.....or when He brings someone into MY life to bless me.  He does that, did you know that?  I believe many people I have met through this journey has been orchestrated by God.  He knows my needs.  He knows the desires of my heart.  I've had many "God moments" while on this journey and I look forward with expectation to have many more.

Before I took this cancer journey, I was pretty disgusted with people.  The daily news didn't have much good to say about humankind....man killing man, moms killing their own children, children killing their parents, greed and no regard for others who they hurt....I was left wondering if there were any people out there who cared about others anymore.  It just seemed it was such a "me" world....everyone out for themselves!  But, I have learned through my cancer journey that there are still good and caring people in this world!  God has shown me that I am not alone.  He has shown me the need to surround myself with positive people....those who can lift me up rather than bring me down.  He has shown me that I'm worth loving....through family, good friends, new friends, even strangers.  I did not feel I was worthy of being loved just the year before.  I am not thankful for cancer, but I am thankful for the journey....without the cancer I would have never taken the journey, so in a round about way, I guess I am thankful for the cancer.  God used my journey to heal me emotionally and spiritually.  He restored my Joy!  And I want to make a difference in this life, no matter how long I have left!  He's not done with me yet!  This journey has inspired me to live the rest of my life pleasing to Him and hopefully be an inspiration to others.

Until next time.....consider this.  If you are told the goal is to give you "20 years", what would you want to do in those 20 years?  How would you want to live in those 20 years?  What would you want to leave behind?  What would you change?  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, whether we've dealt with cancer or not.  Live today like it's your last!  Make it count for something!  Enjoy it!  I know I am!  :=)
Hugs, Cindy


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