MORE MAY UPDATES.....

Well, what do you think of my new hat?  It has a large bill on it, so it can shade my face from the sun, as well as protect my head from the sun.  Plus, when I remove it, it makes a great fan!  LOL!  I have always loved hats but just never wore them...so it's fun to wear them now! 

Notice the flowers (also in the background behind me).  Aren't they pretty!  My sisters, Sheila and Pam, bought them for me....how sweet of them!

A New Lump and a Scare!

Ok, a little update.  A week ago I called my doctor at the Breast Center because I discovered a rather large, hard lump in my diseased breast.  Since we are doing chemo first, the tumor is suppose to be shrinking.  We had never felt a lump at all......me or my doctors....and the tumor was found by the mammogram.  So, to now feel a large lump was unnerving and my first thought was that the chemo wasn't working and it was growing instead of shrinking  So, I called the doctor and she had me to come in to be checked.  I could tell she didn't think it was going to be anything too concerning....until she examined me.  She immediately ordered a mammogram and ultra sound and I could tell she was truly concerned.  The thing is.....it wasn't the tumor they are treating....this was a NEW LUMP!  After the mammogram and ultrasound they determined what is isn't....but couldn't say for sure what it was.  It ISN'T cancer!  They also said it would be highly unlikely to develop a new cancer while on chemo. It did not have the characteristics of cancer.  They suspected it was some kind of hemo-something (lol...fancy word here that I can't remember) or some fat thing (another fancy word I can't remember).  But, basically nothing to worry about and it should begin to get smaller.  My mammogram totally showed a difference from my mammogram in February!  I told her I'm "over" these ta-tas!  LOL!

I am doing ok!

Some of you have contacted me concerned because I had a period of time not updating my blog.  I want to let you know I'm ok.  May was a rough month.....probably rougher than I had thought it would be.  I seem to only get about 10 days the whole month that I feel "decent" and even then I'm weak and tired.  So, I get behind on everything, even updating my blog.  But, I'm doing ok....for a few more days.  I get hit with the chemo again this Wednesday (June 1) and have learned that I won't feel so good for the first week....then I start turning around and each day will get a little better.  It's frustrating, but it is my life right now.  Now, I do want to let you know I'm not sick and throwing up.  But, for the first week I'm lying around sleeping a lot and not eating much and even though I'm not throwing up, I still feel nauseas....I think I'd feel better if I did throw up!  But, it's better for me not to throw up.  And it's hard to drink anything at first, as well as eat, because everything tastes like METAL!  Yuck!  Even when I get to feeling better and beginning to eat more, things don't taste "right".  I can't handle carbonated drinks, so I haven't drank any soda pop for two months now!  That's a biggie for me!!!  My drink of choice is Apple Juice!  It seems to be the one thing that tastes the best....who would have ever guessed that Apple Juice would have become my "friend".  I also find that I can feel soooo hungry and get something to eat....and am done after only a few bites.  I've already had some weight loss, but I had plenty to spare!  All in all, I'm doing good and I know this shall pass.  I'm not complaining, but want to be "real" with you. It's not been easy, but could be much worse and I know I can do this....it just has changed my life this summer.  I have had different people step up to the plate and help me out.  My daughters have helped me with some meals, friends and family have gone with me to appointments, and many have supported me with their prayers, and  I have received cards in the mail that have been very encouraging.  This has been a humbling experience and God is teaching me a lot through it and showering me with love.  I know at the end of all of this I will be fine and I will also be a different person.  And I hope to be able to help others who may find themselves going through this journey.  I am open to wherever God leads me.

Relay for Life - Jennings County

My sister, Sheila, and I attended the Jennings County Relay for Life....it was my 10th day after chemo.  It was good to get out of the house, as I had pretty much stayed there after my chemo.  We had a wonderful time and met such wonderful people at the Relay!  One special person we met was Ralph Cooley.  We had fun with Ralph and even loaned him some "fu fu" to wear for a picture with us.  We learned that Ralph's wife had recently lost her 11 year battle with cancer....please lift him up in prayer.

Now when Ralph removed his hat he had a bald head just like me!  But, I still have hair hanging on (go figure), so I told him I had more hair than him and we did a comparison shot.  LOL!  I debated on whether to show my "bald head" or not, but honestly....it doesn't bother me.  It will grow back!  I have to admit, I wondered what I'd look like bald....not as bad as I anticipated.  LOL!  Very interesting...!  The first thing Sheila said when she saw me bald was that my head was "small"!  I didn't look as much like daddy as she did....I think I resemble both my mom and dad.  And I have to admit, in this 90 degree weather it feels wonderful to go bald!  LOL!

So, here I am with my new friend, Ralph.....showing off our bald heads!  Don't you just love his "fu fu"!

See....I have more hair than him!  Wierd how that hair on top just won't give up!  Go figure!  I'm beginning to think it won't ever fall out!  And I don't want to shave too closely, as I don't want to take the chance of knicking my head since I'd be more susceptible to infection now.

We met so many wonderful people at the Relay!  We hope to be able to be more involved next year.  This year I was weak and had to rest on the way around the track, but we made it all the way around for our survivor lap.  I will feel better next year and be able to participate in more!  It was a wonderful Relay!

My brother, Randy, and his wife, Tina (thanks for taking the pic Tina), live in Jennings County and came over to join us at the Relay.  Sheila and I was happy to see them and thank them  for coming.  We all had a "special time" together.  We lost our mother last year (our father passed away 9 years ago), and we've grown closer and realize how much we need each other.  It meant a lot to both of us that they came over to support us that day.

At the Jackson County Relay I showed you a tanker truck from Farm Bureau.  Someone asked me what was in the tank....I have no idea!  LOL!  I wanted to show you this ambulance they had at the Jennings County Relay.  Pretty cool, huh?

When we got back to Seymour, my sister Pam was in town visiting from Haubstadt, IN (down by Evansville), so we all got together and went out to eat.  It was good to see her....it had been too long.

Before she went back home we went to get some flowers and had this picture taken.  This is all of my sisters....add my brother in...yep, there are 6 of us!

Pauline, Pam, Sheila, Me, Kim

Pam's grandchild, Chole, picked me out a flower.  Isn't it beautiful!  Thanks Pam and Sheila for getting me the flowers!

Chloe has beautiful curly hair and I told her I want my hair to come back just like her's!  :=)

And this is my granddaughter, Jenna.  Yes, I know...I don't look old enough to have a grandchild that old, right?  LOL!  She will be 13 his summer...yikes!  Hard for me to believe too!

She was surrounded by flowers on the way home!  It was a good day with family and I hope you are enjoying my photos.

Until next time....a big shout out to Tina for getting her mammogram!  Who's next?  :=)

Cindy

GOD PROMISES TO PROVIDE OUR NEEDS.....

Philippians 4:19 (King James Version)

 ¹⁹But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

I have always believed that God has promised to provide our needs.  And I had to call on Him for a very specific need this past month and He provided in a way I never imagined!

Let me explain our dilemma.  Three years ago we leased a brand new Odyssey Van and the lease is up.  We had to decide what to do, but at this time things aren't so good financially.  At the same time I got my diagnosis, my husband's job was cut from 50 hours to 32 hours, due to the earthquake in Japan.  His place of employment is Toyota related; therefore the earthquake affected us financially even here in the USA.  And cancer can take a toll on your finances, even with insurance.....mainly at this time, gas and medicine.  So, we are dealing with less income and more expenses.  And at the same time our lease was coming up.  It just seemed like everything hit all at once.  We were just coming off of reduced hours at his job last year and trying to catch up from that when these new reduced hours hit again.  It can get pretty discouraging.  I have two businesses I run from home that help out, but with being sick I haven't been able to be very active with them right now.  So, let's just say things in that area haven't been "good" and it was just a bad time to have our lease on the van coming up.  And I need transportation more than ever now to make it to my doctor appointments that are an hour away.  I prayed and prayed about the Van.  We soooo wanted to be able to keep it....it only has 17,500 miles on it!  I prayed for a way to keep it and put it in to God's hands.  I told Him I'd accept His will and I knew He would provide us with our need of transportation.  And He came through.....just not in the way of the van.  We are giving the Van back next week, as it would be too hard right now to deal with the payments and just cause stress.  And God provided us with a "gift" from some very special people who allowed God to use them to bless us!

This is Danny and Karen Smith of Memphis, Indiana, who brought this car up to me and just GAVE it to me!  Here they are handing me the keys!  Can you believe it?  No one has ever given me a car in my life and I just can't get over their generosity.  Karen and I have been friends for years now when we met online.  They live an hour from here, so we've been able to get together for lunch, etc. over the years, so even though we met online, we've been together many times in person and have become good friends.  She knew of our lease coming up and she said God had laid it on her heart a couple of months ago to give us this car.  Once again God was one step ahead of me.  I am very humbled to accept this gift and know God will bless them both for their willingness to be used by Him.  I can't thank them enough....I just can't find the right words.  I won't lie...I WANTED to find a way to keep the van.  But, God hasn't promised to provide my WANTS....He promised to provide my NEEDS and He has done that.  This car will be dependable and capable of getting me around town and to my doctor appointments and that's all I need.  I totally accept this as God's Will in my life right now.  

So, how do I look in my new car?

There are so many "angels on earth" that have shown me so much love this year.  I spent the previous year feeling so unloved and now feel that this year God is showering me with love, even from total strangers.  God knows my heart and what I have been through and knows my needs, spiritually as well as material needs.  And He is providing and I thank Him and am humbled.  He is teaching me a lot on this journey and I feel like He's bringing me out of the "wilderness".  He is teaching me to trust Him even more than I did before!  He is also showing me that people are good.  Last year was a tough year for me and He knows that and He has brought me through that and is blessing me so much.  I ask that He use my journey to His glory! 

On another note....GOOD NEWS....Larry's job is picking back up in June and he should be back to his regular hours very soon!  Praise God for this blessing, as it was predicted it wouldn't be back up to speed until the Fall.  So, we are once again, very thankful.

I have much more to update you on....seems like I hadn't updated my blog in awhile  I get about 10 "good days" out of the whole month and even those days I am weak and tired.  So, it's been hard to catch up with things.  So, I have some other things to update you on, but will do that in a new post.  I just wanted this post to be a post of praise and thankfulness.

Until next time...may God bless you in your life today as you seek His will.  He knows your needs and will provide.....

DAY 8 SEEMS TO BE THE TURNING POINT!

I woke up today feeling "different".   I could tell right off the bat it is going to be a better day.  While I'm still tired and weak and am napping off and on.....the "stomach queeze" is easing up and I'm beginning to feel more lively in spurts.  I think I'm turning the corner!  It was also Day 8 after my first chemo that I turned the corner.  So, I expect each day after today to continue to improve.....then I go at it again on June 1.

I feel like God gave me a bonus day on Monday when I went to the "Look Good-Feel Better" program.  He gave me a good day to participate in that.  Every day after that I've felt crappy and laid around all day.  But, I knew it would pass.

I have wanted to update you on the "Look Good, Feel Better" program, but just hadn't felt like it until today.  It is a wonderful program and is nationwide.  You can read more about it here.

There were 3 of us cancer patients attending this particular day and I was blessed to meet and talk with these other young women gong through this journey too.  We are at different stages of our treatments, so it was good to ask questions of each other. 

Meet my new pals....Amy on the left and Carin on the right....... and I ask that you please lift both of them up in your prayers.  We have all vowed that we WILL beat this ugly disease.  These gals were younger than me....young enough to be my kids (in their thirties).  They have young children still at home, so they have challenges that I don't.  They were both beautiful young women with beautiful spirits and I was blessed to meet them.

And here were my two "angels" of the day.  Kandi (on the left) was my cosmetologist who gave me a makeover and Kim (on the right) is from my chemo doctor's office and is the one who told me about the program.  She has an adventurous side to her....she's the one who had me trying on red and blonde wigs.  LOL!  And I'm just an adventurous....I'd try on anything they wanted me to!  And this is the one they all said was "it"!

Who would have thought I could pull off being a blonde!  I have a confession.  When I was around 18, I had a blonde wig....I actually had several of different colors (Hmmm....I wonder whatever happened to them?).  There was a short period of time in the late 60's that it was "cool" to wear wigs, so I had fun with them!  I remember my dear mom telling me every time that I wore one that I looked good in any color.  It was just fun....didn't last long....but even then I was adventurous and my Mom was an encourager, telling me that each one looked good one me.  I remember her particularly liking the blonde one.  Fond memories.  But, as I got older, I didn't really think I could pull off the blonde any longer.  So, thanks Kim, for finding and suggesting this one!  Now I'm going to set out to see if blondes really do have more fun!  I'll let you all know!  :=)

This is another "angel" in my life...Linda Morrow.  Linda and I go way back when I worked at Fidelity Federal with her for a short time.  But, even though it was only a few months, we formed a lifelong bond.  Linda retired just last year......no coincidence, imo.  God knew I was going to need her this year.  She has been right by my side through so much of this.....at my first consultation where my cancer was explained to me, my first chemo treatment, and any time I've needed her.  And she was there with me the day of "Look Good, Feel Better".  She was my photographer....LOL!  Without her, we wouldn't have these awesome pictures!  I take my camera everywhere so I can document my journey in photos, as well as words.  Linda is such a blessing in my life.

Ok, I'm not a make-up-y kind of gal.  I should be....I look much better with make-up.  I think I'm just too lazy....LOL!

Each of us received a bag of make-up absolutely free!  Probably around $250 worth from different companies who have donated the make-up for the cause.  Isn't that awesome! 

So, Kandi got to work on me!  She was a sweetheart!

I have a large birthmark on my left cheek and there was some concealer in my bag of goodies and it covered it up wonderfully!

Cheeks done!

Now the eyes!

And the lips!

The place on my neck is from my surgery to put the port in.  Hopefully it will start to fade.

Ta dah!!!!  What do you think?  Kandi sure did work some magic, didn't she? 

Then they brought out the hats/wigs!

I already showed the different wigs a few days ago, so if you missed them, be sure to scroll down a couple of posts....you don't want to miss them!  LOL!

 Kandi showed us an awesome "trick" using a cut off t-shirt.

Doesn't that look cool?  Just from the bottom of a cut off t-shirt!  I loved it!

This knitted hat is my Colts blue hat they sent me home with.  I wear it alot around the house.  You find when you're bald that your head can get a little cool and it's just more comfortable to have something like this on, especially if someone comes to the door.  LOL!  I had some salesman come to the door yesterday and I went to the door totally bald.  I didn't feel good and I didn't care.  I got rid of him real fast.  LOL!

I tried this one on for my purple Seymour Owl hat....but it seemed to be a bit small.

Carin, Amy, Kandy (and Kim and Linda)....I hope you have made it to my blog so I can tell you how blessed I was by each of you that day.  I didn't know if I'd be able to sit through the day, but I wanted to come so badly.  I felt so "pampered" and think it just totally took away any of my nausea and weakness.....even if just for a day.  Monday was awesome....such a good day....and I owe it all to you guys and God!  Carin and Amy, even though I talk about being sick.....I want you to know that "it shall pass".  Hang in there and stay positive and if you need to nap....nap!  I will be praying for both of you and if either of you need to contact me for anything, please feel like you can.  I'm here for anything you need!

Until next time.....count your blessings in your life.

Cindy

UPDATES, UPDATES, UPDATES!

I keep telling you I'll be back to update everything, but it's been hard since I had my chemo last Wednesday.  This last chemo landed me on my butt for the most part!!!  I had a great day yesterday for the "Look Good, Feel Better" program and I am so thankful I got to go to it.  It was such a blessing!  But, today was back to feeling crappy....no "ooomph" and my stomach bothered me all day, but I didn't get sick.  So, I'll be thankful for that and know that "this too shall pass".  I remember I felt crappy for the first 8 days after my first chemo, so tomorrow is day 7.  I'm telling myself maybe I'll feel "human" again by the weekend!  Then I'll get a week and half before I have to do it again!  Two down....two to go!  Not wanting to be whiney.....just being "real". 

2nd Chemo Treatment

 I'm going to try to update you on everything I'm behind on tonight.  First off, my chemo last Wednesday.....  I got my second dose of A & C and that went well.  But, my blood has to be checked before I even know whether I'll get to get my chemo and instead of my white blood cells going UP....they went DOWN!  Arghhh!  They went from 1.1 to .9.  I was so dissappointed to think I might not be getting my chemo, but Dr. V said it was ok for me to get it.  Yay!!!  Then after I had my chemo, Dr. V came in and talked to me about how I'm doing.  The first words out of his mouth was "You are puny".  Uh....not what I wanted to hear.  LOL!  Then he proceeded to let me know that I'm not drinking enough fluids and ordered 1 liter of IV fluid to be given to me right then and there.  I was having problems with urinating and that was it.  Once I got the fluid in, I had no problem!  I was "in trouble" with Dr. V, but I feel like I'm drinking all day long.  It's so hard to pump in enough fluids, especially when nothing tastes good.  But, I must and I am asking God to help me with this one.  I do not want to damage my bladder.  So far so good.  I hated dissappointing Dr. V. 

Then the next day, Thursday, I had to return to Dr. V's office and get another liter of IV fluids and a shot for my white blood cells.  I have heard that this shot can make you achy, but I haven't really felt any affects from it.  I'm thankful for that.

Here are tbe two smiling faces that greet me every time I visit Dr, V's office.  Kim and Carmen (I hope I got your name right Carmen!...if I didn't, thump me the next time I come!)  These two just brighten my day every time I step into the office.  I feel like I'm gaining so many new friends (angels) on this journey.  Kim is the one who told me that day about the "Look Good, Feel Better" program that was coming up (thanks so much Kim!!!).

Relay for Life in Seymour, Indiana

My sister, Sheila, fought her breast cancer battle last year and is in remission and she's been a God-send to me.  We walked the "Survivor Lap" together Friday night at our local Relay for Life.

I was hoping to be able to make the lap and I did...then I sat out the next lap, which was the survivors and caregivers/family.  But I walked the third lap with my sister and other family members in memory of my mom and dad.  I was glad I was able to do these two laps.

There we are....sisters!!!!

OOPs.....what did we ever do without cell phones.  LOL!

Sheila's husband Denver joined her for her walk. 

My husband, Larry, joined me too...but somewhere along the line he found someone he knew and started visiting...LOL!  Believe me, women aren't the only talkers!

My husband, Larry ~ Me ~ my oldest daugther, Jen

Jen and her daddy......

Me and my "baby", Erin

My brother, Randy - Me- Randy's wife, Tina

Me and my sister, Kim

I was so happy to see my family there to support me and Sheila.  Thanks guys.....it was so much appreciated by both of us!

And here is my great friend, Martha, and her sister Doris (Doris is on the left...Martha on the right).  Love them both!  Martha and Doris are on a team, in honor of Martha's 21 year old daughter, Laura, who lost her battle with cancer 9 years ago.  She has always been there for me and I hope to always be there for her.  I believe God has brought us together.

And here's another good friend, Jane, who God put into my life years ago.  She is on the same team with Martha and Doris (Team Gold, I believe).  Her husband has beat cancer and remains cancer free to this day!  Jane and I don't get to see each other often, so I was so happy to see her there!  I can't blame her....with 7 grown kids and a whole bunch of grandkids (how many now Jane?), she is so busy with her family.  But we are never far from each other's hearts.

This tanker belongs to our local Farm Bureau.  Pretty neat, huh?

After the Survivor Walk I went home and laid down for a bit and then went back at 10 PM for the Luminary Lighting.

The luminaries stretched all the way around the track and it was an awesome sight.  They also released some doves, but I can't remember when....I'm thinking that may have been earlier in the evening.

Sheila and I will also be walking the Survivor Lap again in North Vernon, Indiana, this Saturday morning.  I met the coordinator of this Relay when she had a Thirty One party for me and she invited me to come and walk it.  She has been so sweet and supportive.  God has placed people in my life all along this journey, and Sharon Lee is one of those "angels" he's brought into my life.

My thanks to all of my family who came out Friday night to support me and Sheila.  You can't imagine how much it meant to us.  Love you all!

Ok, I'm too tired to finish my update of the "Look Good, Feel Great" program, so I'll be back with that update later.

Until Then.....I Praise God for His presence in my life.

Cindy